Monday, November 05, 2007
just for you dear faan
i make up my mind.
i think this is my last confession made specially for you faan.
im just hoping you're reading this.
13 march 2006,was the day when all of us went for the Gunung Ledang Expedition.and im glad that all of us can get along with each other well.we east viewans plus you,zul and farhan hairwire.
before that day,i still remember we had to went throught staircase training with our backpack fill up with 1.5l water bottle.i still remember you were station at the 4th level.and i still remember you asked me who's station at the first level and i said its farhan and i also said that ' you also farhan kan'?
and you were like 'mcm maner eh tahu'?
yes.that was the day i had the first crush on you.but what a waste i never take note of that day.
and i still remember on the 13 march 2006,you walked towards our assemble area with ur big backpack,and i still remember i cant take my eyes off you.i keep telling my frens that,farhan cute kan.
still remember the 6 of us talking nonsence outside you and other 2 tents?
and i still remember u cooked for me special noodles with garlic and onion.farhan bwk bawang putih and bawang dari rumah.haha.dgn lampu picit dier atas jungle hat dier kopek bawang and bawang putih.we were laughing our ass off.we really enjoyed ourselves.mula-mula 6 of us alih-alih the other bunch of cadets joined us as paklong tell us about stories in Gunung Ledang.and let me tell you what i wished that night didnt end.
on the day we went separate ways,how i wish you could be together with us and zul and farhan hairwire in the same bus.
i thought our friendship ends there.but alhamdullilah tidak.after weeks,i added you and others of gunung ledang frens through msn.and i never thought we can get along that well.your nonsence,i love it.its the first time chatting and kiter dah mcm kenal dah lame gitu.and at the end of our convo,u asked me whether my senior ader ter-amek score sheet masa kiter pegi shooting tak.and i told you that im not sure and i would tell you another day after i asked my senior and i was like 'mcm maner nak bilang faan nanti'? you gave me your hp number and i gave mine.the next morning,i texted you telling you that the score sheet wasnt with my senior.and after that day,we texted each other.we get to know each other.and i find you a really unique guy.ur personality,ur character.i love it.we chatted,we texted each other.at the same time,i know i was with someone else.he left me in april.i told you that didnt i?
and at the same time,i like you.but i knew you like someone else.i knew it.and kiter jarang msg lagi.i really thought you can be a great fren.a fren that i could share my problem with.i was busy with SYF training.i still remember.and i just cant take it anymore because i felt that you avoided yourself from me.on the 27 june,kerana terlalu ikotkan hati.i made a confession.i told you that i love you.and at the same time,u told that its just infatuation.i understand.i was just 15 at that time.i knew nothing.u told me that i still have a long way to go.
i told you that i will wait for you right?did i stick to my promise?
idk.
after that day,kiter makin renggang.i tried my best to contact you.and it failed.i could only know how are you getting on through reading ur frenster blog.thats it.im not sure if im suffering.
my dear frens kept asking me to get over you and asked me to move on.i really cant.i mean really.
at the same time,zulhilmi told me that you needed some time alone and u need space.okay.
i let you go.but do you know im suffering?
on the 1 nov 2006,SPMLS organised Muzikarama.i was there together with my frens.aku cumer boleh tengok kau dari jauh jer.
on the 8 dec,which is your birthday.i wished you.
on the 11 dec we finally meet up.i gave you a brown beany on your 17th birthday.and its a great pleasure meeting you althought its a short meeting as you were going to school and im going to school too.u texted me saying that you love my gift.alhamdullilah.i was relieved.
and basically after that,we stopped texting each other.
i was kinda sad that on my 16th birthday,u doesnt texted me.maybe you were busy.
i did tolerate negatives comment from my frens.i mean really.a lot.
i was called stupid and watever shit just because i couldnt get over you.
i did tried.but i failed.i really cant.
its like been 11 months gitu kiter tak msg.kalau msg pun,just one msg.i texted you,you reply.when i texted you again.you just kept quiet.
on the 30 june 2007,was a special day.i did saw you.i was inside bus 22.you were walking near tampines stadium.i cried.i felt so happy.nmpk dier dari dlm bus pun jadi lah.that was what i told my frens.my frens was like,dahlah sahrifah.cukuplah.buat aper tunggu.buat aper pikir pasal dier.dier ader pikir psl kau?i just kept quiet.i knew,my frens wants me to be happy.
on the 25 august 2007,i tried my luck by texted you.you did reply!i was happy and at the same time my tears just rolled down my cheeks.idk,how to describe my feeling.i was fucking happy.u told me that you havent forgotten me.i was glad to hear that but when i texted back to you,you didnt reply me back.i really dont know whats wrong with you.i mean it.
i hated you at that point of time but i kept thinking positively by telling my frens that maybe you are busy.my frens told me that im so strong and im being too patience.i wont gave up.thats my wish.
and now,i found someone else.that person was just like you faan.when im with him,i felt that im with you faan.but,you're irreplacable.whenever i meet him,i think of you.see,how special you are to me.
there must be a reason why you avoided yourself from me.i just need to know why.
faan,is this still infatuation?
u deleted your msn add and re-do a new one.the reason?
u deleted your frenster blog.the reason?
u stopped updating your multiply.the reason?
u didnt reply my msges?the reason?
i just wanna know the reason.thats all.
lepas sharifah tahu reason tu,i will let you go faan.
i mean i will let you free.
sharifah takkan ganggu diri faan lagi.
if thats what you want.
my confession,
i love faan.
i miss faan.
and i think i know who you like for now.
faan jgn nak sembunyi-sembunyi lagi.
sharifah tahu.
all the best.
Sahrifah