Friday, February 23, 2007
assalamualaikum,morning,had Cross-country at bedok reservoir.penat sey!den,off home around 11+am.took a bath & off to meet beng & mira at MRT control station.off to Paya Lebar to play pool.fun game.but i lost all game!!!damn!leceh lah jadik left-handed ni.kaku semacam!in the between of the game,something happened to me!i dont know what has got into me.i totally get so fucked up!i think i feel so uneasy.yeah!uneasy!i hold on my tears.i feel like.....arghh!!!fyi,i get so fucked up not because of i lost most of the game okay!just that i feel uneasy.& i feel like im an outsider for that moment of time.hmm,im felt so confused.would you believe me if i said that i feel like im being 'kacau daun' when im with both of you guys.i felt that i dont let you guys to have your own privacy.i mean,u guys were in relationship & im there almost every time.i feel uneasy.but let me tell you something,sometimes i feel so left out.yah,i feel left out.i feel that im invisible by the sight of you guys.i know,you guys have been trying to ask me what happened just now.but den,i just dont wanna create a scene on ur special day.i dont want you guys to think that im spoiling ur day.thats why i made my decision just to keep quiet & just to have a peace of mind.im not avoiding or anything.just that,i feel terrible.im just fond of your relationship.i mean BOTH of my dear frens.why cant i be like you guys?live happily with someone who you love most.why cant i have that kind of relationship?my life was like an obstacles.there's up & down.but mostly happened was the unexpected one.the one which i hate most to happen.the one which i hate to happen.the one which i dont really want to happen.sometimes i feel that life was unfair.i keep asking myself,why cant i live happily with my love one?there's always every moment that makes me so fucked up.is it because im so mean to them?is it because i dont know how to love?only god knows the answer.i keep thinking of youyes you,the only one,muhammad farhan bin jumiat.orang kater tu,susah-susah dahulu,senang-senang kemudian.masa tu,sendiri mau igt lah beb!
Sahrifah